Unshared Birth Story #2

Baby #2

After Mackenzie turned a year, we mustered up the courage to start trying for another baby. We knew we wanted 3+ kids and we preferred them closer together. We thought I would get pregnant immediately because of our experience with baby #1 but I remember my mom saying how you never knew how long it could take to get pregnant and not to expect things to go exactly as planned. We had friends and family struggling with infertility and I told myself I wouldn't worry until after a year. I had always been anxious about my fertility for whatever reason so I just braced myself for our next child taking a little longer than anticipated. Anyways, I started keeping track of everything but didn't bother Keith with any of it. I wanted to enjoy life and not get too caught up in the pressures of baby #2.

That mindset worked well and I was disappointed with negative signs every month, but felt the Lord would give us a baby in His own time. I started dreaming of adoption and dug around for adoption information from several people in our ward who had been through the process. In May, I realized that I was late. I didn't say anything to Keith, I wanted to surprise him in a fun way. About a week later, I couldn't sleep due to some intense back pain. I was a bit worried but able to sleep and forgot about it the next morning until I went to the bathroom. I sent Keith off to work and when I used the bathroom, I passed a clot the size of a baseball. I was so sad and didn't really know how to handle it. I texted Keith who said he was sorry. Besides him, no one else knew. My friend Amber happened to call that morning. We had made plans to go swimming and I told her I couldn't go due to heavy bleeding, then broke down into tears. I told her I had miscarried and she came over, cleaned my house and brought me lunch. I will never forget her kindness and sympathy. It meant the world to me. I told myself I had a day to mourn and I did. I let myself be sad all day and then rejoiced that I had gotten pregnant. I felt that there was hope for the future and that my system could reset itself a bit.