My personal parenting pet peeve- the phrase "Just Wait." Disclaimer: I've totally been guilty of saying it to people. Not in the last couple of years though. Not since I became aware of just how obnoxious it is. Here's the story of how it really got under my skin:
We were at church about a month or two ago sitting in the chapel on padded benches we rarely frequent due to tardiness. Our 3 kids were misbehaving as usual and I'm pretty sure all 3 took turns out in the hallway. When I came back with our youngest after our first hour to pick up my stuff, my husband introduced me to an older couple behind us. The man was chuckling and said "you think it's hard now, JUST WAIT until you have teenagers. This is NOTHING." It was not the first time I heard it. In fact, there were several women in our last congregation who told me every other Sunday how easy I had it with little kids. A series of emotions passed through me in about 3 seconds. Sadness, frustration, irritation and exhaustion. I gave a polite laugh and went on to let my feelings fester. Do I even remember who the man was who said it? Nope. Just the way it made me feel. I often feel like I am drowning. I'm relatively new to parenting. I'm
like everyone else, learning as I go. I'm also a young parent and don't
have the benefit of as much wisdom as older parents do. When he made
that comment, I ultimately wanted to cry. Because I already feel bad
about myself and I don't want it to get harder. It's hard enough. I like to think that people who say this forget what it is like to be a parent to young children. Maybe their kids were abnormally easy? I know teen years are hard, I have a slew of journals to prove it. I remember it well and I've worked with teenagers in church for 4 years who continually remind me what a pain they can be to their parents. Anyways, I'm not easily offended but I feel like this is one of those times I wish I could explain why his comment was hurtful.
1. I had three kids in 4 1/2 years. Yes it was my choice but it is hard. My pregnancies are not easy. I experience almost constant nausea well beyond the first trimester, I gain an absurd amount of weight, and half the time I get pregnant, I can't keep the baby past 8 weeks. I'm constantly on a rollercoaster ride of emotions.
2. My oldest is my hardest and she has struggled with handling her emotions and has had sensory issues from a young age. She throws more tantrums in one month than my other two have in their full lives. She is almost impossible to discipline and tells me every day that "I am the worst mom ever." She didn't say she loved me until she was 3 and she does not say or give physical affection easily. She has many good qualities but living with her is very similar to living with an uncontrollable teenager who hates me all of the time.
3.My kids wake up around 7:30 AM and are in bed by 8 PM but the oldest two won't actually settle down until 9:30 or 10 PM. My oldest is out of the home for exactly three hours while she attends school. That means I am home parenting for a minimum of 12 hours. They are still almost fully dependent on me to care for their every need. The chores fall almost completely on me as my kids can only contribute a bit.
4. My kids still wake up at night. Take last night as an example: 1:30 AM Emmett wakes up screaming. I rock him, he's hungry. I get him a banana and rock some more. He's thirsty so I get him a drink. It's now 2 AM and I'm wide awake. I fall asleep after a while. 3:30 AM it's my toddler who is running around the house half awake. I get her a drink and put her back to bed. It's 4 AM and I am wide awake with indigestion. 5 AM Emmett is up crying again. I don't fall back to sleep until about 7 AM. 8 AM I hear my husband leave. My girls run up to my room and start yelling at each other and pulling each others hair. Emmett starts to cry. I get him up and give him a bowl of cereal which he chucks back at me. Good morning:)
5. When I get sick, I don't get to rest because my kids can't take care of themselves. 2 weeks ago I had food poisoning. For a good 24 hours, I felt like death and was so weak it was hard to drag my body to the bathroom. But I still had to make my kids breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I still had to change diapers and beg them to get along. No one is big enough to take care of me or help me in a substantial way.
5. My husband started dental school when our youngest was 7 months old. It was a great path for us but this means that I was basically single parenting for 4 years because we rarely saw him. Last year he had a long commute so time was fairly limited with us and this year he's gone 3 days from 8 AM to 9:30 PM and a half day also. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that like many other women, I am at home by myself with three little kids and have very limited adult interaction. I'm often exhausted and stressed.
6. We don't live by family. We lived by family for the first 6 months of our oldest daughters life and have lived thousands of miles away since. We don't have the luxury of dropping the kids off at Grandma's or an aunts house for a break. For most of our marriage, we couldn't even afford a babysitter.
I guess my point in all of this is to try to think before you speak. Remember what it is like at every stage. There are ups and downs. Try not to discourage others or belittle them with a phrase you haven't fully thought through. I love my kids and wouldn't trade my job for anything but I (like everyone else) could use a little encouragement much more than I can use discouragement.
